FINALLY!

I have finished the script to my film... only six pages, but those six pages are of rich art that I will make you all see soon! I need to cast and make the costumes and plan everything else out, but this feels like a feat.

Lately I have been having some pretty crappy times, the other night I thought I had lost one of my new rings I bought at the Renaissance Festival, (But luckily Sydney found it) i also got a blister on my foot, got yelled at by some creep driving by in his car who noticed I didn't have a bag to pick up my dogs poop in (which he didn't even go on anyone's lawn that night) and the cookies I bakes somehow slid off the pan and two got stuck int he hinge of the oven door, making me have to scrape the oven floor and door clean. Jeez. This little rant helped my emotional state, though...good times are to come, I can feel it, and now that the bad stuff has already happened, it can only get better, right?

Blog

I am in desperate need of inspiration. What shall I do? Since my band broke up, due to our guitarist leaving us for someone else, I have this feeling of betrayal, almost. I understand and accept that he has left, but the music was important to me...I'm hopeful to get this one project going with a good friend (SYDNEY!) that combines a sort of bluegrass feel with her acoustic guitar and my harmonica, but that also waivers between something middle eastern and indie. Although difficult to imagine, the sound should be amazing, if we come together to write some things...I have no doubts in her masterful abilities.

I'm 5 scenes in to my short film, I want to finish writing it before I have some friends read it, a sort of test for how others will react....My mentor and tv production teacher of 3 years has given me a project, though. An entry for STN(STudent Television Nationals) is required of me, and I'm excited to start, but I don't want it to cause large delays in my short film. I will write it once I'm done with writing my main piece, though...Until then, I need to do something adventurous, fun, perhaps dangerous....I NEED inspiration.

Home

The dinner was perfect. I'll post a picture when my computer at home gets fixed. The weekend was fun, for the most part, the dinner, a birthday party, and a free entrance to the Renaissance Festival, in which Sydney and I accompanied each other again.

Usually I begin my post with something a bit more poetic, perhaps lyrical or narrative, but I'm not in the mood right now, my social life and school life are pretty good, but home is a different story. I don't know how this will affect my project, I haven't been able to concentrate on anything, and I never want to go home, so either my project will speed up in process, due to me wanting to be out of the house, or it will be delayed because I won't be able to concentrate... I'm going to try to be positive and make the best of a crap situation. Wish me luck.

Suggestions?

I'm worn out like an old sneaker hanging on a power-line, my skin feels tight and my head feels like its filled with lukewarm oatmeal.
I know I'll feel new soon. When I'm with him, I always feel new. My eyes are round jewels wet in my head, my nails are shiny again, I can sense every movement in the peripherals of the room, I can think about what I need to do.
But right now, I'm tired. My eyes are slits of blackness and my nails are dull. I can't feel the room around me, ca't think about anything...I know I need to do SOMETHING. what is it?

I don't want to be idle like this, I need to start filming, I need to move my hands and stretch my fingers, they will curl around the moon like tentacles, and I will pull the man down who is so lonely up there, and he will whisper in my ear. He will tell me the stories of millenniums, and I will write them down and turn them into film for you to see.

Today after school I want to film the sunset...But I can't. My AP Literature teacher is showing Hamlet (the bad version, with Mel Gibson in it) and if I stay to watch, I can earn extra credit. Afterwards, my best friend Nikki is driving and we're going to Tates, I'm going to pick up a gift for my boyfriend of 6 months, this Saturday...I've been planning something special, a moonlit picnic, a fire, delicious food, and music. Hopefully I can pull it off, and the Rain Gods will not bathe us in their indifference.

Does anyone have suggestions to make Saturday night even better?

License

The moon hangs silently, indifferent, as I walk under the boughs of oak. The neat front yards and new luxury cars glisten wetly and all I can hear is the tink-tink-tinking of my dog's collar, and the shrill song of crickets punctuated but the occasional uprising of a passing car or an arguing couple. I walk and imagine people in the shadows, neither feeling afraid nor anxious. I want the invisible people to reveal themselves, step out under a street lamp and beckon me to walk into another world with them.

I am going to bring my visions into view of others with my film, I have the costumes designed mostly, with the help of Hannah, all I need to do is get out of school (I am desperate for my license, I have my grandfather's car, but without legal permission, I can't go where I need to, when I need to) gather materials (styrofoam, mud, grass, body paint, glue, fabric, etc...) and create these people, capturing it on a camera...

I need my license.

Rennaisance

There comes a time in one's life when the eyes of the viewer are opened to the ways of things. The real world is a dark, disturbing place, my friends. The politics, the loopholes, the disease and corruption of modern day society. No doubt that all of those aspects of life have been present since the dawn of humanity, but to finally be able to see it, to be a part of it, its ridiculous.
I had been hellbent on achieving my goals of becoming a great filmmaker via the oh-so-amazing connections that the FSU Film School would get me access to, I was so excited to become a Hollywood director, because as I was fed this larger than life idea, FSU Film School as my golden ticket. It was the one thing that would give me my chance to finally become discovered. And then I was rejected.
Initially, I was infuriated, upset, depressed, discourages, and enraged all at the same time. And then I cleared my head and really got to thinking. I have just become a statistic. I am one of the many who have helped the school maintain its notoriety, its exclusivity. I am one of the many who were rejected from the school, and have thus made it so that the lucky 48 kids picked to be interviewed feel extra special, and those lucky 24 picked out of them to be actually accepted, practically cream their pants in self-worth.
Well I'm done with that BS. I'm going to make a name for myself, this is just a little setback...I'm just at this awkward point in my life where I don't exactly know what to do... So I'm going to try living in the moment for as long as I can. I'm going to disregard the people who reject me and tell me I'm too wierd or too "out there". I'm going to join the Rennaisance Festival and travel with those people who live on the edges of society, looking out as the rest of the tourists look in at them. I want to dance and sing and film and be happy and not give a flying f*#k about jumping through hoops to please the masses.

Sleep

The darkness consumes me as I sink down into sleep, like black water closing in over my head. I breathe evenly, I imagine, and my subconscious takes over as a dream starts to materialize...And then I turn over, a screeching, clicking spring snaps my eyes open...once again. I'm awake. For the past week my sleep cycle has been destroyed by this little coil of evil metal. I drift in a plane of semi-consciousness for much of the night, neither fully asleep, not fully awake. I've checked to see if the spring that causing my troubled nights is in the steel trundle that my mattress rests on, and its not. So its in my mattress...I can't possibly ask my parents to buy a new one, its expensive, and seems like a petty matter compared to others. If the spring keeps making noise after I flip the mattress, I might just start sleeping in The Room With The Futon. Great.

I'm in the process of writing and scripting out my first short! The last post I made, titles Remember, is what its based off of. I'm excited to start making the costumes, my friend Hannah is going to come over later today and help me plan them out. Its been a while since we've had time to see each other, she is a great friend, and an amazing artist, getting her illustrations published in a children's book not too long ago. I think she is going to be a really beneficial part of my project, because not only can she help me with the creative aspect of things, she is a talented actress.

Amidst the planning of that short film, I'm going to recruit Connor and maybe some other friends in another phase of my project, dealing with street art...We'll see how that comes out.

Remember

This came to me driving in the car with a friend on the way home. Its going to be my first short film.
I'm recording it here, typing as the idea comes...so bear with me.

There are people who live in the real world, the world of concrete and science and fact. And then there are the people who live in the other places. There are Fringe People, there are Inbetween People, there are Hidden People. These people live too, among the Real People, going unoticed. As a whole, they are the Non-People. They are the imagination and the art and the sounds. The Fringe People live on the edge of things. They are the words that are at the tip of one's tongue that won't come out, they are living in the trees on the sides of the roads, they cling to the cliffs and feel the spray of the ocean. The Inbetween People are the ones in between the space of silence as two lovers sleep. They are the people that live in doorways, and the people that dwell in the cavities of one's teeth. The Hidden people are the ones that secretly laugh when the Real People rummage frantically through their closets and drawers. They live in the shadows and the light, invisible and in plain sight at the same time. These are the Non-People that live among us. These are people.

Pitch

I want you to validate my latest fear,
The sphinx has risen,
Smiling from ear to ear,
The great destroyer,
Cataclysmic gyre,
Is movie towards us,
over here.

The falcon can't hear the falconer's cry,
The sea is red with blood,
drained from the sky,
and all the best people- Defy
Their nature, they kill, as the worst float by.

A rocking cradle woke the sleep of death,
and after this time, there is no more breath,
For the Second Coming's risen with a new wrath,
worse than the sphinx,
it'll be
a
blood
bath


The song thats been in the making for what seems like aeons finally has lyrics, I'm proud to have written them, in a moment of clarity after reading The Second Coming by Yeats.

I had been singing another work in progress, at practice Friday, but it was just yesterday that my boyfriend had told me, over Mediterranean Pitas, that I'm not singing right. I had gotten a bit mad, the boys seem to be focusing on the sounds of the music alone, ignoring a problem that I hadn't been aware of, something they should tell me so I don't keep doing it until it becomes stuck that way. Hopefully the next practice will be better, a the mistakes I'm making will be fixed...Maybe I should look into singing lessons...

WISE is going well, I am writing my first short, which is going to be set in "the woods" about a feral girl ...I've been reading a lot of magical realism, its inspired me. This should be fun to start, I used to make costumes when I was younger, now I get to start again.

Practice

Last night was a whirlwind of sound, bees, and laughter. I had gone home early from school, I hadn't been feeling very well after 2nd hour, so Dylan took me home. I don't know what I'd do without that boy. His voice is deep and vibrates in his chest, the sound and feel of it makes me forget the bad things in my head that sometimes bubble to the surface. He creates that balance I need, the balance that lets me create my art. I've been coming up with some great ideas, very interesting stories.
Last night we had band practice, just working on some already done songs, making sure they're what we want. Hopefully this hard work will pay off...We need to get at least one song recorded for the music video I've been wanting to make. In the middle of practice, our eyes all found the bees in the garage. The rest of practice was a bit strained, hard to concentrate with the threat of pain.
We did start a new song, very rough and unfinished as of now, but it's a break from the dark lyrics and swaying melodies, its Russian influenced, about being in a circus...Sort of Gogol Bordello without the mustache. I'm excited to work on that one, even though its a side project for us.

After practice, as a band, we went out in search of food...it took us an hour to find a place without a 40 minute wait, or ridiculous prices. After the meal, we said our goodbyes, and I went back to Dylan's house. A home away from home is a sanctuary. A place of peace and quiet. And although my home is a good one, the average Weston neighborhood with average Westonite neighbors, its always nice to escape for a bit.
Bits and pieces of my life will show up in my art, I know this...I hope those pieces will make it more accessible.

Magic

There is fog on the ground in the mornings, the grass goes missing under the low clouds, and I step into the sky. I find myself in a maze, but instead of high walls, everything is ground level. The walkway is a sleek oil black, like a sidewalk made of onyx. The maze is endless, and in the distance, I see minotaurs trolling the paths. I can't step off the black ice, surrounding each side is water, as black and deep as the most unexplored ocean abyss. I must follow the path and find my way to the nearest end, if there is an end.

I woke up this morning and had thought about my dream, I've had it before, and although it seems so full of darkness and monstrosity, I'm never afraid. I enjoy having dreams, especially because I remember them most of the time. They influence my writing and my film, they are an escape for me, an escape that I could one day recreate for others to see...Thats one reason film attracted me, I can communicate through sounds and pictures and let people see what I see.

I have to find someone to interview today, its a  homework assignment that should be done by tomorrow. I've been having trouble finding a person...could it be anybody? Anybody who was interested in film? Or does it need to be someone in he workforce of the film industry? I don't quite know for sure...I'll have to ask Coach Love.