Hands

Make shadows turn to spiders, and birds,
and the sound of thunder without the storm.
Curling into a weapon or splaying over steel strings,
the hands create what the mind can only dream.
Sounds, pictures, sculptures, they all come from those five fingered appendages.

Spam

Uhn, tss tss, uhn pah Uhn, tss tss, uhn pah
Me...and my girl...my girl named Bimbo, Limbo, Spam.

Looping sounds and making music is what Sydney and I had been up to for a bit, after I had taken some good footage for her song called "Journey" I'm excited to start editing it, and on Tuesday I will get some more footage with her, taking a "road trip" of sort, stopping at scenic places along the way, enjoying solitude and nature, her song acoustically in the background. This should be good. Soft and abstract, upbeat and independent. I like it.

Today we went into the Publix produce to take a leak! I mean, LEEK, not leak...we would never pee on produce... I'm going to turn that into a joke type t-shirt design.

Threadless t-shirts is having a contest, I'm in the process of creating some pun-ny shirt designs that look good but are funny as well. The money I win could really help with college stuff, I hope I win, my mother nags me about scholarships constantly. Sigh.

On a sucky-er note, I have a diagnosis...I have a simple cyst on my left kidney, and another one on my ovary. Yay.

More to come, I'm excited for the days leading up to my presentation, maybe I should change it to a different location? I want an artsy feeling to it...I'm sad that Sydney's presentation is going to be on the states Skills comp...bleh.

Organic

Let your eyes sink to the back of your head, lay down your weapons and breathe in the calm. Drown out the sound of the world and hear the silence that enshrouds you with a certain warmth. Innocence was lost, but growth and knowledge were found. Cope and be strong, then move to the next person, help them do that same. The chain will be long.

I have decided to try and relax, my health needs it, my friends need it. I've always been the backbone in the group, they notice when I bend. Luckily they are my sinew and muscle, they never let me snap.

I'm checking out a camera for the weekend, and I'll see what comes of it. Hopefully something will flourish, I'll find something beautiful to film, or maybe develop a funny idea, maybe film for a music video for Sydney? I'll call her after school today.

Stuck

Sink your feet into mud, walk through a bog and let it suck you down to your thighs. Try to move, try to think over the panic, the mire has you in its clutches. Tragedy does that to you, and you try to rise above it, try to see past the black tar steadily pulling at your clothes and look at the sunrise over the swamp. Its hot out, and buzzard sits perched on a mangrove.

I'm sure this is just a little pocket of turbulence, my writing has been stuck for a bit, but Doster (my mentor/tv teacher) wants a project to be done. What do I do? WHAT OH WHAT? My back is in a perpetual state of uncomfortableness and there is tragedy all around. What can I make, when all my writing is dark and disturbed? I try to keep things lighthearted, make it seem as if I haven't been turned into a faithless cynic. Maybe I can use film as a sort of release, make something dark, but add hope, fool myself into making a happy ending when I know happy endings are far and few.

Kidneys

Visceral. What a raw word. I love it, the feeling of it in my mouth, like a thin piece of raw meat, warm and tasting of iron. It rolls down my tongue and out of my mouth, a silk sheet sliding off of the bed.

Speaking of the word visceral, I turn to my inside. My kindeys seem suspicious, they are like little criminals waiting to be found out. Tomorrow's MRI scan should be telling of what they're up to. I've been having back pains all week, hopefully its nothing serious...

I've been happy with my recent success with my short film, but I want to do another one...The ideas I have are too big for the time in my life right now, so I must simplify... I want to do a music video, but my father keeps insisting I need to create another original piece, something that I can put on a reel...But I argue that a music video CAN be just that...

Survive

Bags under my eyes are the symbols of a good time. No time to sleep, eat lights on the street, make the screams last forever, see the sounds and taste the leather. The music makes the brain pulse, and the heart stop, and the body convulse.

Last night I attended the Lady Gaga concert, it was phenomenal. The opening act (Semi Precious Weapons) was flamboyant, loud, and sassy, their famously quoted lyric stuck in my head as I write this "I can't pay my rent, but I'm f****ing gorgeous!"
But the Lady herself, she is an amazing performer. She belts out her songs like its her last night on Earth, he dancers are beautiful, her musicians are incredible, and the set and costumes are so unique and edgy that I can't help but to be entranced. Although her music has gone mainstream, she keeps the individuality and personality of herself alive.

My friend Jake is in yet another band, he tells me this one seems promising, he plus a "prodigy drummer" and a musician from East Coast Drive will be the initial make up. I lent him my talents and wrote a song for them, or rather, lyrics to an instrumental he had written on the computer. I hope he likes it.

This is for all of the kids out there who are like me.

I'm a weird girl with my boots and messy hair
I was an outcast, didn't ask to be there
we're all a little weird
compared to the rest
but you're all rockstars
I should know best

Long nails and pastel colors
aren't for me
perfect smiles and pretty lips
possibly
cries for attention
for all to see

that's not me
thats not me

bit nails and black clothes
that's me
showing teeth and screaming

The scars and bite marks
go to show I've earned this part
right here

Think with your c***s
make your mama proud
show how hard you rock
so f***ing loud
take all those insecurities
put them behind you
show up all those a** h***s
who said you wouldn't do

(breakdown)
I-Want-To-See-Their-Faces
The-Ones-Who-Scream
I-Want-You-To-Do-the-Same
Scream-Your-Name
No-More-Shame

Sorry for the explicit content, but some rock just deserves the passion. Music is my next life goal, I want to be on a stage, singing and dancing in front of a crowd that roars, a crowd of people that need the release and the excitement. I want to be up there and spread my messages, to be king of your own world.

ON ANOTHER NOTE I have finished my short! Hannah was a great actress, she can capture emotion as well as being conscious of stage direction and hitting marks. I'm excited to see if I place in the contest... I am also excited for her to see it, she has been asking and now I shall have the finished product for her!
YAY.

YES

This feeling...it it the feeling of surviving after fighting off a mutant tiger shark thats the size of a T-Rex, while standing on a mountain wearing a t-shirt of the entire image I have just depicted. 

I have completed the production of a short film, now I am in post production and am so happy with how the footage looks. The quick zooms and fast cuts make for an action-y feel, while the subject matter is mundane, giving an irony to the project. Not much time to write, now, I'll post more later one, hopefully next week I will be done and it will be submitted for the STN Spring Nationals.

Fearsome

The trickle of sweat that traced its way down your spine leaves a cold thread along the length of your back. The skin of your arms feels like freshly plucked gooseflesh, and your pupils dilate, taking in the fear. Your heart starts beating louder, harder, to an intensity that is rib-snapping, and your breathing becomes ragged and harsh. Fear makes your throat tighten, it is impossible to whisper, to scream. Squeeze your eyes shut and press your palms to your ears, block out the terror.

Last night, I went with some friends to see the new horror flick, Insidious. It was truly a terrifying experience. The elements of startling pop-ups and suspense mixed with amazing effects and makeup make this film one to fear. This is the type of movie to make one sleep with the lights on, to jump at every creak of the house. I had gone home hoping to wake up in the morning, hoping to be possession-free, hoping to open my eyes and NOT see demons, ghosts, etc... When a film can do this to me, I know its done a good job earning the title of a Scary Movie. My friends had been freaked out, too. I'm glad we went, it was a fun evening.

I'm looking forward to the next time Sydney and I can street preform. I love sitting out there, inhaling the sea breeze, and letting the people listen to our music. Its fun, relaxing, plus an easy way to make a couple bucks. Next time, we will plan to spend more time on the beach.

Sometimes I worry that my mentor, Doster, thinks I sit around not doing anything...I mean, I am in his class  first and fourth hour, usually, and a lot of the time, I'm working on WISE things, such as critiquing movies, researching, writing short film ideas, but I can't always be editing or filming, it takes more than me, and the dependency I have on my friends is an issue, I  can't count on them to be there whenever I need them, they're busy people, just like myself... Hopefully, Hannah will remember that we have plans to film tomorrow, I need to get all the shooting done tomorrow night, and edit it by Friday...I'm sure I can do it, I just need an actor...

Friday I go to the hospital for an X-ray and an Ultrasound... I'm nervous they'll find a kidney stone.

Weekend

Its bee a while, since I last posted. My home computer has a bit of trouble getting onto this site, but that what I get for having a father who isn't up to date with modern technology. An old Dell can really suck sometimes.

This weekend was eventful. I have a new short film coming up, a satire. I'm aiming for it to be completely filmed by the end of this week.

On Friday, an exam day, I skipped school, and went to the beach with my musical friend Sydney. We set up somewhere along Ft.Lauderdale Beach and made $1 and a Jesus pamphlet. But we also made a friend, his name was Aton and he was a "Drifter", very laid back, very friendly. He gave us some tips about setting up in a better location, and it worked. We returned Monday, and made around $25. Thanks, Aton. Your beard shall be missed.